Weddings are happy family occasions and should not be restrained by unwanted procedures, but having said that there are certain customs that are expected and nice to observe. Traditionally, the main purpose of the reception is to receive and welcome the guests and to afford the opportunity to introduce and meet both sides of each family. Whenever possible, both sets of parents and the bride and groom should be at the reception in order to meet their guests upon arrival, but this is sometimes prevented by the need for photographs after the ceremony.
As soon as possible, either in the assembly area or prior to entering the dining hall, the toastmaster will arrange a receiving line and introduce the guests by name to their hosts. The order in the line is usually: the bride's mother and father; the groom's mother and father; with the bride and groom standing a little way apart. This is not the time for a lengthy conversation, but a quick word of congratulation, compliment or thanks. At some weddings, due to the design of the premises or number of guests, a formal line is just not practical, in which case the bride's mother acts as host, while the bride and groom circulate freely among the guests.
Once this formality is over, the guests will be asked by the toastmaster to take their seats for the meal. There will most likely be a seating plan and name settings at each place with the bride and groom, their parents, the bridesmaids and the best man occupying the top table. The toastmaster will then announce the arrival of the bride and groom and escort them to their places, whilst the guests stand and applaud.
Grace is to be said, this is the appropriate time whilst everyone is standing. If the clergyman who performed the ceremony is present he is usually asked, but a senior member of either family can perform this duty and this is often a good opportunity to involve the father of the groom in the proceedings. Toastmasters will also often undertake this task. The food and wine will then be served in the normal way.
Usually after the desserts have been served, the ceremony of the cutting the cake will take place. Here the Toastmaster will make an announcement and invite the guests to come forward to take photographs if the surroundings permit. The cake will then be removed and cut up by the catering staff and served with the coffee, although sometimes it is kept for a later time in the evening.
The Toasts
Once the champagne or chosen drink has been served the Toastmaster will introduce the speakers who will be proposing the traditional toasts, of which there are usually three:
- This first toast is to the Bride & Groom and will normally be proposed by the father of the bride or an old friend of the family.
- The second toast is proposed by the groom who, after thanking the bride's father and making his speech, will conclude by proposing the health of the bridesmaids.
- The third toast is proposed by the best man who will respond on behalf of the bridesmaids and conclude by proposing the health of the parents of the bride and groom.
If the first toast is made by a family friend, a reply to the third toast is made by the father of the bride, who briefly thanks everyone for their good wishes, says how pleased he is to see them and hopes that they are enjoying themselves. There are occasions when others will be asked to speak or request permission to do so, again there are no hard and fast rules, but too many and too long inflicts unnecessary punishment on the guests!
The Presents
Often the bride and groom will wish to say thank you to the best man, bridesmaids, parents or even each other, by giving presents. These are best given at the end of the groom's speech and toast and it has become acceptable now for the bride to join with the groom in distributing the gifts and saying a few words of her own at this time, if she wishes to do so. At the end of the formal proceedings the toastmaster may ask the guests to stand and applaud the bride and groom or all the toptable, while they retire from the reception room.
The Speeches
In a recent survey of things that people fear most, standing up and speaking in public was the first on the list, way ahead of spiders, heights and dying! No wonder then, that to some who are required to make a speech at a wedding, the prospect can be very daunting and can if they let it, completely ruin the occasion. Please remember that almost everyone who is listening sympathises with you and is just glad they do not have to do it themselves!
You may find the following tips will help you:
- Have it clear in your mind what it is you are going to do.
- Make some notes of the things that you have to include.
- Write your speech out in full first, then make notes of the various headings on numbered cards and use them when you make your speech. Try to speak from notes, but if you are not confident, don't be afraid to read it all.
- Try out your speech on someone who will give you an honest opinion.
- Preparation is everything, don't rely on last minute inspiration.
- Be yourself, speak slowly and clearly.
- Keep it brief and to the point, remember the best speech ends before everyone wishes that it had!
The father of the Bride's speech
Welcome everyone to the wedding on behalf of your wife and yourself.
Thank them for coming to help you celebrate the wedding of your daughter.
Tell them about your daughter, how proud you are of her and her achievements. Mention her tolerance and her sense of humour, all important ingredients for a successful marriage.
Tell them also about your new son-in-law and how pleased you are to welcome him into the family. He must be a great fellow - just look at the girl he has chosen!
And to finish - "So, ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, let us join together in wishing them every happiness. I give you the toast of the Bride and Groom, '..... and .....'(their names), may God bless them."
The Bridegroom's speech
"Ladies and gentlemen, 'my wife and I'..." (this is always a good starter that gets a good laugh and a loud cheer).
Give thanks to the bride's father for proposing the toast. Thank him for the wedding feast and his great kindness and friendship. Also thank him for his daughter, a gift you will treasure for the rest of your life.
Thank everyone else for all their good wishes and for coming to share in the happiness of the most wonderful day of your lives and one which you will both remember forever. Also thank everyone for all the wonderful gifts and hope that they will all come to visit you in your new home.
Thank your wife for finally saying 'I do' and making you the happiest man alive.
Thank the ushers and the best man who helped you through this 'most wonderful ordeal'.
Finally, thank the very charming bridesmaids who look so beautiful and have been such a great help to your wife throughout the day.
And to finish - "Ladies and gentlemen will you join me in drinking the toast of 'The Bridesmaids'.... thank you". After the toast, the groom with the bride will give any presents that they may have for the bridesmaids, best man and parents. If the bride wishes to say a few words she may do so at this time.
The Best Man's speech
"Thank you on behalf of the bridesmaids. I know it has been a great pleasure for them, as it has been for me, to be asked to play a part in this most happy and memorable day. The Groom has always shown great taste in everything he has done and today is no exception when he has chosen the girl of his dreams and made her his wife." (Here the best man can become a little anecdotal about the groom's previous life, but any leg pulling should be harmless and not offend any of the relations or expose too many dark secrets).
"We should like to reiterate the thanks which the bridegroom has already expressed for this wonderful occasion and to combine our good wishes to his parents. I ask you to join me in drinking the toast of the 'Parents'."
If the first toast was proposed by a family friend and not the bride's father, it would now be in order for him to reply to the toast of the 'parents' and thank everyone for coming. You will note that in each case "please stand" has been omitted before each toast. Whilst it is traditional to stand for toasts, this is optional, as if the speeches are short the guests could end up going up and down like yo-yos!
Summary
Please note that the above suggestions, observations and comments are just guide-lines, that can be altered, deleted or ignored at will. It is, after all, the bride and groom's day first and foremost, and their wishes should be paramount. Everyone connected with the day wants and tries very hard to make it successful and memorable. Caterers, hotels, photographers, toastmasters, etc, all have a wealth of experience and expertise which they will be only too pleased to share with you in order to make your day extra special.
