| "Marriages
are made in Heaven"...maybe so...but weddings have to be carefully planned
here on earth...
"Your Wedding Day" will need careful and meticulous organizing
if it is to move gently through the various stages...culminating in
the "Perfect Wedding Day".
Thought must be given first to the 'strategy'-
the long term plan thoughtfully laid-out for your careful consideration...
24/18 months in advance is none too soon - 15/12 months may be cutting
it too fine, that is really stage 2 and part of 'tactics'.
1. Set the date.
2. Book the church or the (civil) ceremonial venue.
3. Consider the reception venue - hotel, home, etc.
4. Select and book hotel or caterers.
5. Select and book music, DJ or band, perhaps
6. Select and book wedding cars and/or carriage.
7. Select and book photographer.
8. Select and book video-producer.
9. Reflect upon the wisdom of booking "The 'Complete' Toastmaster
& Master of Ceremonies" for the full wedding day.
10. Consider booking a chimney sweep...just for luck!...and
11. Consider Wedding Insurance...just in case!
Wedding Fayres present an ideal opportunity
for you to browse, peruse, and study; to ask pertinent questions and
to receive valuable help, assistance and information from those whose
business is "Your Wedding Day". Fayres proliferate in the
Spring and in the Autumn; and cater for long-term 'strategy' and short-term
'tactics'. It will pay handsome dividends to visit them for ideas
on almost every aspect of "Your Wedding".
Having strategically planned the Wedding Day
you must get down to the detailed planning, the 'tactics',
approx 15 months in advance ...to leave it any later is to court disaster
and perhaps have to cope with disappointment too! And of course, tact
is an integral part of tactics...you may well need diplomacy, discretion
and delicacy; for now is the time to...
1. Choose your Chief Bridesmaid, Bridesmaids and Pages.
2. Choose your Best-man, Groomsmen and Ushers.
3. Compile your two guest lists:
(a) invitations to the Wedding Day, Ceremony and Feast
(b) to the Evening Reception only.
And of course do not forget yourselves in all this...'The Wedding
Dress' should be selected, finalized and ordered; the Bridesmaids
and Pages outfits too. It is not necessary to order the men's outfits
yet but it should be decided whether or not the other principals (2
Fathers, Best-man, Groomsmen, Ushers and Chief Guests) know well in
advance what is expected of them...if it is to be lounge suits then
it does not usually necessitate any special orders...but it may do...check!
Having finalized the Wedding Clothes...and
do not overlook the wishes of the two Mothers, particularly with regard
to colour schemes...it would be wise now to book your honeymoon. If
you have your hearts set on a particularly romantic exotic place-in-the-sun
then don't leave it to chance...book it! last minute bargain-hunting
might save you some money but that's no good if you land in the wrong
place, or worse still you don't land anywhere at all, honeymoons taken
3 months later at discount prices are just holidays...the honeymoon
is really within the month immediately following the nuptials.
Before you put away you programme/plan...if
you did not book "The 'Complete' Toastmaster & Master of
Ceremonies" now is the time to do so...Why? What do we want with
a Toastmaster? You may well ask! His Presence will add so much to
the Occasion...just the right touch of formality...and ensure that
you can relax...safe in the knowledge that it is in his versatile
and capable hands. As a Consultant on Formality his advice will be
invaluable on problems of Address, Precedence, Protocol and Etiquette...and
his assistance with Top Table placing, guest locations, speech format
and guidelines, time estimates etc. priceless! Book him!
Now relax awhile! You can leave the next stage
until 5/6 months prior to "Your Wedding Day" but meantime
you must be most attentive to all that you have set-in-motion...making
sure that those who should, do report back to you...if necessary chase
them.
Now at 5/6 months prior it would be as well
to convert your programme/plan to 'weeks' rather than months...it
will, or it should, introduce the right sense of urgency, and the
relevance of each item to "Your Wedding Day".
No doubt in the months since you compiled your initial guest list
there have been changes...some in, some out...for a variety of reasons
which must of course remain your own...but at 20/24 week prior you
must be...
1. Finalizing the two guest lists.
2. Arranging fittings for your Wedding Dress.
3. And those of your Bridesmaids.
4. Shopping for going-away clothes, lingerie etc.
5. Looking at Wedding Stationery.
6. Looking at Wedding Cakes.
7. Thinking about flowers.
8. Thinking about Wedding Rings.
9. Giving thought to 'Thank You gifts' for Parents and Attendants.
You may well have collected and accumulated leaflets and brochures
galore...from Wedding Fayres and Shops...but the time is approaching
(very fast) when you must make-up your mind exactly what you want
and how you want it...then book it/order it/clinch it.
Whilst the 'Guest lists' are normally the prerogative
of the Host and Hostess...the Bride's Parents...very careful consideration
should be given to the wishes of all the principals involved...the
Bride and Bridegroom will obviously have their own personal and very
special close friends to be included...the Bridegroom's Parents will
have their own list too...courtesy requires that they should be accommodated
as far as is possible/practical. Of course when and where the Parents
of both are acting as Hosts, or when it is just the Bride and Bridegroom,
then the responsibility changes somewhat, it becomes in the first
case a shared responsibility and in the second case a sole responsibility.
However, irrespective of these two alternatives, etiquette and courtesy
should always place the Bride's Parents as Host and Hostess with the
Bridegroom's Parents as principal guests and the Bride and Bridegroom
as Guests of Honour.
Formal Wedding Invitations are a specialist business, and advice on
format and layout is readily available...suffice it to say that they
are normally issued in the names of the Host and Hostess...the Bride's
Parents...separate invitations being required for evening guests only.
Don't forget to have two separate lists and to very carefully record
acceptances against each. There is no difficulty in defining the 'Evening
Reception' but there is considerable doubt about the 'Day reception'...officially
it is still the 'Wedding Breakfast' a relic of the times prior to
1920's when Weddings had to be solemnized prior to 12 noon, usually
at a communion service with breakfast following. Now-a-days this is
the exception.. the ceremony is seldom before noon and more-often-than-not
is early or mid-afternoon...Luncheon seems inappropriate and Dinner
out-of-place the 'Wedding Feast' is both appropriate and fitting to
the Occasion.
At 12/13 weeks prior you must take decisive
action...you have considered, weighed-up, looked-at, and no doubt
dithered too...but now is the time that you must...
1. Order Wedding Stationery
2. Order Wedding Cake
3. Buy Wedding Rings
4. Buy gifts for Parents and Attendants.
5. Organize Wedding Flowers
6. Confirm/Finalize details of the Ceremony
7. Confirm Reception details with Hotel/Venue/Caterers
8. Order Morning Suits if required.
At 8/10 weeks prior you must be sure to...
1. Post all Wedding Invitations against lists (a) and (b)
2. List acceptances and refusals as they arrive
About this time Wedding Presents will start to arrive, it is a good
idea to send your 'Thank You` as they do and to mark them up on your
'Gift List' as this may well preclude you from receiving a surplus
of cruets, toast racks and breadbins.
Before you know it, it will be just 4 weeks away, time to change-down
from weeks into days, to accelerate the mood of immediacy.
At 30 days prior it is essential that you...
1. Finalize numbers for the Hotel/Caterers
2. Prepare 'Seating Plan'
3. Check! wedding clothes
4. Check! Headwear and book final appointment with your Hairdresser.
5. Practise any new make-up - book final appointments
6. Buy cake-boxes for those gifts
7. Prepare newspaper announcements, if required.
When drawing-up your 'Seating Plan'...the Top
Table of 8,10,12 is traditionally set:
Bridesmaid
Best Man
Groom Mother
Brides Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Brides Mother
Groom Father
Chief Bridesmaid
Usher
some however, do seat the Bride's Parents together
on the left, with the Groom's Parents together on the right, (and
may include Grandparents). If an odd number is seated at the Top Table...7,9,11
then the Bride must be central with an even number (to include the
Groom) on each side of her:
Bridesmaid
Best man
Groom Mother
Brides Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Brides Mother
Groom Father
Chief Bridesmaid
When you have finalized your Top Table then
where and how do you seat the guests?
The correct order of proximity-to-the-Top Table
is...
1. The Immediate Family of the Bride and of
the Bridegroom to include the Grandparents; and in-laws too
2. Relatives of the Bride and of the Bridegroom, Aunties, Uncles and
Cousins with in-laws too
3. Close Family Friends of the Parents of both the Bride and the Bridegroom
4. Close Personal Friends of the Bride and Bridegroom from school,
college, social and business etc, with particular attention to the
Grandparents, undoubtedly the proudest guests at any Wedding.
If space will allow, the best tables for the guests are 'rounds' of
8/10 - this encourages the guests to 'mix and mingle', with conversation
flowing more easily 'around and across' the table.
With the 'Seating Plan' it is advisable to draw-up an alphabetical
guest list with table numbers, so that tables may be quickly located,
with place cards too so that seating may be easily found.
Finally with just 10 days to go you must check,
fasten and nail down everything that has so far been arranged, booked
and ordered...and move on to...
1. Ceremony Rehearsal.
2. Check! Wedding Clothes.
3. Check! Going-away clothes and arrange transfer to reception venue.
4. Check! Hotel/Catering, cake, transport, flowers, photographer and
video-maker
5. Check! Honeymoon bookings, tickets, passports, travellers cheques
and money.
6. Liase with "Your 'Complete' Toastmaster & Master of Ceremonies"
on the Wedding Day's routine and timings.
7. Arrange hen/stag parties, but not for the night before.
"The 'Complete' Toastmaster & Master of Ceremonies"
will... attend the ceremony, arriving 30 minutes prior to co-ordinate
and harmonize activities, assist the photographer and video-maker,
with the crowd scenes, the family groups and the Bridal Party, liaise
with the banqueting staff, look after the guests, take care of the
gifts and cards, organize the Receiving line, introduce/announce the
guests, seat the guests, the Top Table and then herald the entry of
the Bride and Bridegroom, offer grace/thanks, initiate and supervise
the cake-cutting (with ceremonial Samurai Sword), introduce the Speakers,
announce the Toasts, and close the Wedding Feast with a sincere and
cordial finale.
The Receiving line is traditionally:
Brides Mother
Brides Father
Groom Mother
Groom Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Chief Bridesmaid
Best Man
it can of course be varied to match circumstances.
The Toasts are conventionally...
1. The Bride and Bridegroom - Prop. Father
of the Bride or Uncle Godfather, relative or friend of the Bride's
Family
Response. The Bridegroom
2. The Bridesmaids (and Pages) i.e. The attendants
- Prop. The Bridegroom
Response. The Best man
3. The Parents of the Bride and Bridegroom
Prop.- The Best man. Response. not usual but the Father of the Bridegroom
may respond.
4. Just occasionally 'A Vote of Thanks' to
the Host and Hostess (the Bride's Parents) may be proposed by a guest
on behalf of all present, for the hospitality etc, No response is
called for.
On very rare occasions there are additional
toasts, to grandparents, to absent friends, to others celebrating
something special (such as an anniversary, an 18th, a 21st, an engagement)
but none of these must impinge upon the three main toasts, they must
follow-on and they do require the permission of the Host and Hostess
and of the Bride & Bridegroom, if in doubt, then leave them out.
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